what is God trying to tell me??

i've been thinking about this blog for awhile now.  and it's so complicated, i don't even know where to start.  so i suppose some background information is where to begin...

OUR KIDS...

if you read my earlier blogs, you know i was a foster parent.  i only fostered one sibling group because i ended up adopting them.  in the back of my mind, i always wondered what would have happened if i'd fostered more children...

i had my oldest biological child... brady, when i was 23.  he was seven weeks premature, but otherwise completely healthy. at 26 i lost my second biological child... brenna... she was stillborn.  when i was 27, i had my daughter brittin.  brittin was 11 weeks early and had multiple health issues because of her prematurity.  i knew at the time of her delivery, i was done having children! 

so, by 27 years old, i had four children... two adopted and two biological. 

by the time my husband mike was 23, he had two daughters, jordan and alexis.  at 23, he decided he was done too...

fast forward to 2010... mike and i meet and between the two of us, we have six children!  so why in God's name am i completely overwhelmed with this URGE to "have a kid"!?!?!  ok... read those words carefully... i said "have a kid" not "give birth to a baby"!!  in no way shape or form do i desire in my heart to birth any more kids!!  but i have been so overcome with this urge lately! 

FOSTERING...
i wish i had fancy statistics, i tried to google it... i couldn't find it... but i know there are hundreds of children in foster cared in elkhart county, let alone our entire state.  i've wondered... am i REALLY done fostering?  did i really accomplish everything God wanted me to in this area? 

MISSIONARIES...
i've never been particularly interested in the mission field.  of course i've always supported the missionaries who would come to speak at church... but i definitely had no desire to go on a mission trip.  now, i don't know if my change of heart is because we now attend a church that is very mission focused... or if God just has some big plan for me... but i am completely and totally fixated on our church's next mission trip.  maybe part of my desire is because the trip relates to something near and dear to my heart... orphans.  our family WILL be going to mexico with our church to serve with Andrew & Anna Conrad!!  i am so completely excited!  i'm also overwhelmed with the feeling that God is really going to do a work on our family there... i don't know what... but he's doing something....

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AM I ABSOLUTELY CRAZY???

my daughter sireana and i keep telling mike that we need to expand our family... that we need an african american son... and at first, i was kind of teasing him... but as the days go by, i find myself longing more for another child.  then i think to myself, "laurie, you are CRAZY!!"  

but i feel like God is really working on me... i don't know for what... but i got an email this week entitled "adoption is a reflection of God's love"... then the "our daily bread" for yesterday was about opening up our homes!

so i decided to share my feelings with the one person on earth who isnt afraid to tell me the truth... if i AM crazy, my dad will tell me!!  so over lunch last week, i told my dad how i was feeling... and asked if he'd ever felt like God was working on something in his life that he didn't understand... that's when dad told me this story:

"it was my 12th birthday and i was lying in the hospital after being hit by a car.  my leg was badly broken... i was all torn up.  i remember asking God 'why?  why do i have to be here on my 12th birthday?!  i didn't do anything wrong!!'  i never got an answer.  six years later, i was watching tv as they held a national raffle to see what service men would be sent to the front lines in Vietnam.  on the 12th draw, they pulled MY birthday, July 12th...  but at that moment, i knew i wouldn't be going because of my 12th birthday and the broken leg... the military wouldn't accept me because of my lasting injury.  it was right then, i knew God, in his own time had answered my question... i now knew why i'd been in the hospital on that 12th birthday... God had other plans for me... so yes laurie, i know exactly how you feel"

after that stunning story... one i'd never heard in my 35 years... i knew for sure my dad didn't think i'm crazy!  and i knew for sure, God does have some sort of plan for me... i don't know what, but i think he has something in store for us in mexico

i just don't think i'm done... i think God has more for me to do...

well, if you read all that... thanks!!  i really needed to get that off my chest!!