choices & consequences

something has really been bugging me lately... so i thought i'd take it to the BLOG!  and... i don't want to spout merely my own opinions, i want to back it up with the TRUTH.  GOD'S TRUTH.

as a mom, i survived the first two teenagers, and now we have three more.  i struggle on a daily basis with:

1.  allowing my children to make mistakes that build character.
2.  giving my children freedom without allowing them to run wild.
3.  teaching them their CHOICES lead to CONSEQUENCES.

number 3 is what i'm really bothered by lately. 

choice-  the act of choosing : selection <finding it hard to make a choice> 
(from webster's dictionary)

we all have them... choices.  God gave us FREE WILL!  and he gave us RULES!  as "Christians" if we take the attitude "Jesus died to save me from my sins.  Church is for unconditional acceptance" we are REALLY missing the mark!  YES!  Jesus did die for our redemption!  Yes, our sins are cleaned and we are "born again" ... but that DOES NOT give us permission to do whatever we want!

if i speed, i will inevitably be pulled over.  when i speak to the police officer should i explain "but Jesus died for my sins!"  probably not!  i should accept the CONSEQUENCE of my CHOICES!! 

when my child goes somewhere he's been told not to and stays out past his curfew, should he tell me "but mom, you're supposed to love me no matter what and Jesus died for my sins!"  well, he CAN tell me that, but he will still receive a NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCE for his CHOICES. 

as i said, i didn't want to rattle off my opinion alone, so i found two fantastic scripture verses:

1 John 3:4     

Everyone who makes a practice of sinning also practices lawlessness; sin is lawlessness.

i like this one.  "PRACTICE OF SINNING".  the old saying "practice makes perfect"... we can't just go around making sin a habit!  when you accept Jesus as your Savior and His GIFT of new life/forgiveness, in return He expects us to FOLLOW HIS RULES!  to not follow the rules would be similar to joining a organization, but refusing to follow the guidelines or participating in events!  to be offended that the organization expects you stay within the expectations is very unreasonable! 

Isaiah 59:2     

But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that he does not hear. 

i love this one.  just think about the FIRST sin!  what did adam and eve immediately do??  they covered themselves up and tried to HIDE from God!  we can't hide!  God already knows what we've done!  when we slip up (and we will!) turn to God for forgiveness!  but don't be upset when there are EARTHLY CONSEQUENCES  for our CHOICES! 

i'm going to open myself up here... when my husband and i met, within a week we knew "this was it".  i knew i would spend the rest of my life with him.  and we decided to live together.  live together... clearly this is against God's Word.  and i do believe we created a separation between God and ourselves. 

after we were married, i can honestly say both our Spiritual Lives and well as our Earthly Lives vastly improved!  We've both received promotions at work as well as raises. God worked a miracle with my health.  Our children are excelling in school and hobbies.  Really, I could rattle off dozens more.  but my point is:  CONSEQUENCES.  every CHOICE has them.  some are positive and some are negative.

i think this has really been bothering me because of the condition of our country.  the more we accept, the more people do.  "give an inch, take a mile".... 

i want to end this on a positive note.  we all slip up.  some days, i have the mouth of a sailor.  sometimes i find myself gossiping.  i'm human.  i'm going to make mistakes.  but each day, i get up and try to make the best choices i can that line up with God's word.

John 15:9-17 As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full. “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another.

will the real laurie please stand up?

i have FOR REAL, tried to blog at least six times... and couldn't.  so.... once again, here i go again at the attempt to blog about my

OPEN HEART SURGERY!!!!!!

 

i can honestly say, this has really been a JOURNEY.  i used that word before my surgery, but now i understand the true depth of that word.  last night i was thinking about what i would blog and i got an idea... a list... of the STUPID things i thought/said BEFORE the surgery. 

 

1.  i'll have the surgery and then a three week VACATION. 

 

2.  while i'm on my three week vacation, i'll get SO MUCH DONE AT HOME!  clean, decorate, paint, organize!  it will be fabulous!!

 

3.  i've had three c-sections, i can handle the "pain".

 

4.  i know the doctor said it's a 4-8 week recovery time, but i'm young... so i'll go back to work after 4 weeks.

 

5.  said to the doctor:  "do i REALLY need to take a narcotic pain med?  can't i just take some extra strength Tylenol??"

 

6.  i packed MAKE UP for my hospital stay!!!  what the?!?!?!  make-up?!  i didn't even want to wash my hair! 

 

 

i'm sure there are many more ridiculous things i thought, but lets just start with these!

 

 

one thing is certain... this surgery i had was WAAAAAAY more intense and emotional than i or mike expected.  the range of emotions i deal with on a daily basis is ALL OVER THE PLACE!  

 

i'm going to try to start from the beginning.  i was so heavily medicated for several days, a lot of what i know is from my family telling me.

 

the surgery:

i suppose you could say it was a "success".  i'm here to blog, so mission accomplished.  the bottom line is:  when i went for my consultation with the surgeon, he felt i needed the surgery within the next two years... after the surgery was completed and he met with mike, he let him know the condition of my heart situation was much more serious than anyone originally thought.  i had several incorrectly developed branchy things (technical term!!) my aneurysm was much more severe and after the surgery, instead of a normal stay in the recovery area, my heart went berserk and they had to knock me back out to get it to calm down.

 

a funny:  they give you A LOT of meds... both for pain and for an amnesiac effect.  i only marginally remember some of the things i said, but here's a good one:

 

                     recovery room nurse-  are you ok?  do you need anything

                     me-  i'm fine except i can't frigging see!!  i need my f*#king glasses!!!!

                     nurse-  okay... where are your glasses?

                     me-  i left them in my bag in the car.  my husband will bring them!!!

                     nurse-  would you like me to call your husband to remind him?

                     me-  NO!!!  you don't need to call my husband!  he is the most responsible, organized person i know!!  he doesn't need to be reminded of anything.

                     nurse-  o....k....

 

                     in walks mike- here are her glasses

                     me-  SEE!!!  i told you he didnt need reminded! 

 

day 2:  i really don't remember much of day one.  going in... waking up in recovery... my memory goes in and out... i remember grabbing at people above me holding ice chips... begging for more.  maybe even screaming at them.  i remember how absolutely DELICIOUS diet sprite tasted!  day two... SUCKED!  i remember waking up... and the PAIN.  pain like i've never felt in my life.  gut wrenching... take your breath away pain.  i actually wanted to die.... only because i didnt think i could live thru that pain.  it was unbelievable.  one nurse told me "today is the worse day of your life.  the absolute worse day of pain you will ever have."  while this may sound negative... it actually cheered me up!  i kept telling myself, "laurie, if you can survive today, you can make it!  each day will get better and better!"  and it did.  my first "walk" was at the most 10 ft.  and i had to sit and rest before i could make the 10 feet back to my bed.  that was very discouraging. 

 

at the time, i thought i looked pretty "normal"  YEAH RIGHT!!!

 

 

originally i was told 4-6 days in the hospital.  i like to keep things spicy... so on day two, i thought i'd liven things up a bit....  mike had just arrived with our "bigs", aka lexi (13) and brady (12).  the nurse was doing her hourly torture.  she asked me to cough.  i did.  the next thing I know, she's screaming my name at me.  i said "i don't know WHY you are SCREAMING at me!!  i'm RIGHT HERE, i did what you asked me to do!!"  in my little world, i didn't even know i flat lined for 11 seconds.  i don't  like to think about it.  after that "episode" the doctor decided it was time for a pace maker.

 

my 4-6 day stay... turned into 8 days.  i became somewhat hysterical on day 7.  i thought for sure i would go CraZy!!!  i did get my dad to bring my precious puppy to visit me!!

 

this is around day ... 4 or 5... i'm a HOT MESS.

 

 

 

i swear it looks like i'm choking him, but i promise i'm not!

 

Recovery..............

 

i was so excited to go home... but once i was home i saw laundry and dishes and cleaning.... my husband did an AMAZING job with the kids and house... but that didn't stop me from trying to do laundry the first day home!  i was scolded and shooed out several times.  i definitely over-did it many many times.  and finally, when mike caught me in the garage trying to paint, lifting my arm... he sat me down and gave me some harsh facts about my surgery, the pace maker, and wanting me to live!  after i cried... i realized i HAD to follow the doctors instructions.  i have too much to live for!  so i spent the next three weeks really trying to absolutely behave! 

 

 right around the end of week 2.  my staples had just come out... i was still feeling pretty rough.

 

 

and today... my first day back to work... i'm surprised at how sitting at a desk is actually tiring.  i'm just about done for the day.  i like to think i'm SUPER WOMAN... but actually... i'm just laurie.

 

me now.  clearly feeling a bunch better.  ready to enjoy the rest of my LIFE!

 

 

 

the untold hardest part...  i don't know if anything or anyone can fully prepare you for a HUGE surgery.  and maybe it's best that they don't...  but one thing i definitely didn't expect was the emotional toll it would take.  i'm all over the place with my emotions.  i'm not my spunky old self, and its noticeable to my friends and family.  and maybe the hardest part is my lack of motivation or enthusiasm for the activities i REALLY LOVE.  i WANT to be excited to do things... i WANT to WANT to participate and be active... but right now all i want to do is SIT.  i FORCE myself to walk because i value being able to fit into my pants.  but i want the REAL LAURIE BACK!  i want to feel like my "old self" only.... i want to be a "NEW old Laurie"...  summer is undoubtedly one of my favorite seasons... and this year, i don't know if its the crazy cold weather we're having or just me in a weird funk, but i just can't seem to get into the summer groove.  and i soooo want to!  right now it's like my body and mind are at odds and my body keeps winning.

 

i think that's about all i can handle right now.  seriously, if you have questions, please ask!!  i am happy to answer anything!!  and if you have found my blog thru an Internet search... maybe you or a loved one is facing a big surgery... I'M HERE FOR YOU!  even if you don't know me... please feel free to ask anything!  i'd love to help others thru this process!

 

have a blessed day!