today, i am completely overwhelmed by what it means to be brittin's mom. i think i've answered the same five questions 12 times each. i'm pretty sure i've told her 20 times, "no, the dog CANNOT take a bath with you". i'm just waiting to say it for the 21st time.
not only am i answering the same questions over and over, i have literally said "do NOT put your satchel on" and she did it RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!! that is just one instance of her blatant defiance today.
how is this any different than parenting in general?? i don't know. i guess it shouldn't be... but parenting my child with "special needs" can be... A GREAT BIG OLE CHALLENGE!!!
i'm not going to go through the whole story about brittin again... you can read it in an earlier blog if you havent already...
AS I'M WRITING... britt just hollered from the bath: "if rudy doesn't get in this bath with me, i'm gonna have a THREE MINUTE FREAK OUT!!" rudy is the dog. see... 21.
briefly, incase you don't know... brittin was a micro preemie... 2 lbs... born at 29 weeks with lots of complications that resulted in:
hydrocephalus
cerebral palsy
agenesis of the corpus collosum
epilepsy
over the weekend, brittin had a seizure. well, several. and they were good ones. that was said in my most sarcastic voice possible. we had our 2nd ambulance transfer and 3rd hospital stay in one year. THANK GOD FOR INSURANCE!!!
we have this rectal prescription we are supposed to use if she has a seizure. and we used it. for a couple of hours, we thought it was working. then at 11:30 saturday night, after two serious seizures, it was time to head to the hospital.
one of the worst things is the "after the seizure". as if it's not bad enough watching your child lose complete control of her body, after it's finally over, it's just as bad. brittin has always struggled with anesthesia and has a hard time coming out of it. they give her adavan to stop the seizures and not only does it KNOCK HER OUT COLD for 18 hours, when she does wake up, she has no appetite, nausea, and is straight up MEAN!!! the meanness only last a couple of days, but it was so bad last time, we had to have my mom come get her because the five us at home couldn't take her anymore!
then there's the guilt. oh the guilt!! i feel SO BAD when i get frustrated with her!! sometimes i need to give MYSELF a timeout!! when my super awesome employer told me not to come in today and just take care of britt, i was THRILLED!! i envisioned my self accomplishing a lot at home and getting some much needed rest. yeah... NONE of that happened!! i'm looking forward to going to work tomorrow so i CAN get some rest!!
on a daily basis, i don't even think about brittin's special needs. to me, she just a regular eight year old... who smears purple eye shadow on her cheeks and insists on wearing a satchel to be JUST LIKE HER BIG SISTER!! but it's weekends like this past that remind me how special and cherished britt really is. i've said before that she's my miracle baby, and i'm reminded now, she really is.
i'm also reminded at how blessed i am to have mike as my husband. as a single mom, it was always difficult to explain britt's condition... and many guys just don't want to get involved with that. i can't blame them. that is a lot to take on. but mike has embraced britt and all her quirks and needs. he remains calm and collected. i don't know what i would do with out him!
i've come to a sort of... conclusion... or maybe realization: brittin's medical conditions are not going to go away! no amount of medication will "fix them". at ANY GIVEN MOMENT, brittin can have seizure! at any give time, we could find out her shunt(s) isn't functioning. brittin will ALWAYS need extra attention and i have to stay on my toes!
okay... enough rambling :) have a blessed day!
laurie
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