i find myself wondering... "should i have gotten therapy?"......
theres a secret part of my life i share with few...
the closest to me know...
the closest to me wonder how i let it happen...
the closest to me know how it changed me...
for bad...
and for good...
it's not like it happens instantly...
it's a slow... methodical... process...
before you know it.... youre intertwined in a situation you cant escape...
cant?
really?
CAN'T????
YES, CAN'T!!!
its never so easy as one thinks...
you see the lifetime movie...
you say "i'd never let that happen to me!!"
you say "i would leave!!"
it's NOT that easy...
you escape....
and youre drawn back in...
with a promise...
and hope...
hope...
hope till you hope no more...
getting thru each day is a small victory...
convinced happiness isnt necessary to live...
survival is the name of the game...
people who know... can look you in the face and see past the black eye...
ignoring the facts...
denial...
you lie to people who don't know...
"i fell"...
come up with quick answers...
why?
admitting you tolerate that?
impossible...
secluded... isolated...
done...
over it...
numb and finished...
plotting...
planning...
escape...
once and for all...
joy...
fear...
self doubt...
loneliness...
.... lingering harassment....
time.....
time moves on quickly....
time heals some of it....
stuff the rest in a box to deal with later...
*********************************************************************************
obviously no one goes around with a sign on that says "i was in a three year physically abusive relationship"... and i think it's a white elephant topic which AMAZES me given it's 2013...
i still find myself haunted by my personal experience. i find writing cathartic...
my greatest strength in dealing with this is my relationship with God.... and the amazing husband he brought into my life. i want women (and men) to know... there IS hope... there IS happiness... there IS escape....
<3 laurie
a HAPPY, HEALTHY... laurie :)
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