OPEN HEART SURGERY!!!!!!
i can honestly say, this has really been a JOURNEY. i used that word before my surgery, but now i understand the true depth of that word. last night i was thinking about what i would blog and i got an idea... a list... of the STUPID things i thought/said BEFORE the surgery.
1. i'll have the surgery and then a three week VACATION.
2. while i'm on my three week vacation, i'll get SO MUCH DONE AT HOME! clean, decorate, paint, organize! it will be fabulous!!
3. i've had three c-sections, i can handle the "pain".
4. i know the doctor said it's a 4-8 week recovery time, but i'm young... so i'll go back to work after 4 weeks.
5. said to the doctor: "do i REALLY need to take a narcotic pain med? can't i just take some extra strength Tylenol??"
6. i packed MAKE UP for my hospital stay!!! what the?!?!?! make-up?! i didn't even want to wash my hair!
i'm sure there are many more ridiculous things i thought, but lets just start with these!
one thing is certain... this surgery i had was WAAAAAAY more intense and emotional than i or mike expected. the range of emotions i deal with on a daily basis is ALL OVER THE PLACE!
i'm going to try to start from the beginning. i was so heavily medicated for several days, a lot of what i know is from my family telling me.
the surgery:
i suppose you could say it was a "success". i'm here to blog, so mission accomplished. the bottom line is: when i went for my consultation with the surgeon, he felt i needed the surgery within the next two years... after the surgery was completed and he met with mike, he let him know the condition of my heart situation was much more serious than anyone originally thought. i had several incorrectly developed branchy things (technical term!!) my aneurysm was much more severe and after the surgery, instead of a normal stay in the recovery area, my heart went berserk and they had to knock me back out to get it to calm down.
a funny: they give you A LOT of meds... both for pain and for an amnesiac effect. i only marginally remember some of the things i said, but here's a good one:
recovery room nurse- are you ok? do you need anything
me- i'm fine except i can't frigging see!! i need my f*#king glasses!!!!
nurse- okay... where are your glasses?
me- i left them in my bag in the car. my husband will bring them!!!
nurse- would you like me to call your husband to remind him?
me- NO!!! you don't need to call my husband! he is the most responsible, organized person i know!! he doesn't need to be reminded of anything.
nurse- o....k....
in walks mike- here are her glasses
me- SEE!!! i told you he didnt need reminded!
day 2: i really don't remember much of day one. going in... waking up in recovery... my memory goes in and out... i remember grabbing at people above me holding ice chips... begging for more. maybe even screaming at them. i remember how absolutely DELICIOUS diet sprite tasted! day two... SUCKED! i remember waking up... and the PAIN. pain like i've never felt in my life. gut wrenching... take your breath away pain. i actually wanted to die.... only because i didnt think i could live thru that pain. it was unbelievable. one nurse told me "today is the worse day of your life. the absolute worse day of pain you will ever have." while this may sound negative... it actually cheered me up! i kept telling myself, "laurie, if you can survive today, you can make it! each day will get better and better!" and it did. my first "walk" was at the most 10 ft. and i had to sit and rest before i could make the 10 feet back to my bed. that was very discouraging.
at the time, i thought i looked pretty "normal" YEAH RIGHT!!!
originally i was told 4-6 days in the hospital. i like to keep things spicy... so on day two, i thought i'd liven things up a bit.... mike had just arrived with our "bigs", aka lexi (13) and brady (12). the nurse was doing her hourly torture. she asked me to cough. i did. the next thing I know, she's screaming my name at me. i said "i don't know WHY you are SCREAMING at me!! i'm RIGHT HERE, i did what you asked me to do!!" in my little world, i didn't even know i flat lined for 11 seconds. i don't like to think about it. after that "episode" the doctor decided it was time for a pace maker.
my 4-6 day stay... turned into 8 days. i became somewhat hysterical on day 7. i thought for sure i would go CraZy!!! i did get my dad to bring my precious puppy to visit me!!
this is around day ... 4 or 5... i'm a HOT MESS.
i swear it looks like i'm choking him, but i promise i'm not!
Recovery..............
i was so excited to go home... but once i was home i saw laundry and dishes and cleaning.... my husband did an AMAZING job with the kids and house... but that didn't stop me from trying to do laundry the first day home! i was scolded and shooed out several times. i definitely over-did it many many times. and finally, when mike caught me in the garage trying to paint, lifting my arm... he sat me down and gave me some harsh facts about my surgery, the pace maker, and wanting me to live! after i cried... i realized i HAD to follow the doctors instructions. i have too much to live for! so i spent the next three weeks really trying to absolutely behave!
right around the end of week 2. my staples had just come out... i was still feeling pretty rough.
and today... my first day back to work... i'm surprised at how sitting at a desk is actually tiring. i'm just about done for the day. i like to think i'm SUPER WOMAN... but actually... i'm just laurie.
me now. clearly feeling a bunch better. ready to enjoy the rest of my LIFE!
the untold hardest part... i don't know if anything or anyone can fully prepare you for a HUGE surgery. and maybe it's best that they don't... but one thing i definitely didn't expect was the emotional toll it would take. i'm all over the place with my emotions. i'm not my spunky old self, and its noticeable to my friends and family. and maybe the hardest part is my lack of motivation or enthusiasm for the activities i REALLY LOVE. i WANT to be excited to do things... i WANT to WANT to participate and be active... but right now all i want to do is SIT. i FORCE myself to walk because i value being able to fit into my pants. but i want the REAL LAURIE BACK! i want to feel like my "old self" only.... i want to be a "NEW old Laurie"... summer is undoubtedly one of my favorite seasons... and this year, i don't know if its the crazy cold weather we're having or just me in a weird funk, but i just can't seem to get into the summer groove. and i soooo want to! right now it's like my body and mind are at odds and my body keeps winning.
i think that's about all i can handle right now. seriously, if you have questions, please ask!! i am happy to answer anything!! and if you have found my blog thru an Internet search... maybe you or a loved one is facing a big surgery... I'M HERE FOR YOU! even if you don't know me... please feel free to ask anything! i'd love to help others thru this process!
have a blessed day!
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