the pants

I think most moms remember the outfit they brought their babies home in... Brady came home in a baby blue preemie sailor type outfit from his grandma marge. Britt came home in a pale pink velour GAP outfit.

Thats great:... But out of my six kids... I only brought 2 home from the hospital.

Saturday, lex says "i put some stuff on your bed that i don't want anymore". I didnt think much of it. Bedtime that night, mike asks about the stuff on our bed. I explain its clothes for the church clothes pantry... Stuff lex doesnt want... As i start to fold the items, i get down to the last piece.... A pair of white, well worn and slightly dingy capri sweats. I smile... And look at my husband. These were the pants that 3 years ago, lex was wearing the day i met her :) .... And i held them... And told mike, "i cant part with them. I may not have the outfit she came home in... But i have the pants she came to my life in!" And i quietly tucked them in my cabinet where i put all my kids keepsakes.

when i met lex... she was a shy, slightly awkward 10 year old.  today, she's a: grumpy in the morning, giggly, girly girl who snap chats and instagrams and facebooks, and texts and buys more make-up than i knew possible! 

this morning, for the first time ever, i had to tell lex to change her shirt... not quite the look i want my 13 year old to have...  and she did it.  no arguments... well, no verbal argument.  but i think i saw, for the first time... the mad face of a teenager.  and i realized, today i opened the door to the for real TEENAGE years!!  and it hit me, SHE'S GOING TO BE MAD AT ME!  i am going to make her do things and NOT do things and she will be upset with me!  for a split second, i was crushed.  who am i kidding... i was crushed for awhile! 

during the silent drive to school, i realized how deep my love is for lex... how i don't want her mad at me... and how making decisions for her like what shirt to wear are so important!!  its a HUGE responsibility to raise a child... some days will be harder than others. some days my children will LOVE ME and HUG ME!!  and other days, i'm sure my children will want me to butt out and leave them alone!

in the end... when they're all grown up... and super successful adults... i'll be at home with brady's sailor suit, brittin's velour outfit, and lexi's sweatpants... and i'll know i did my best, and it was all worth it!